Life changing before you are ready

September brings change and when I reflect on the past eight months of this year, I cannot quite believe how much of my life is now on a complete different trajectory.

At the start of this year, I never would have believed my life would look like it does now and I never thought I would experience so much change in such a short amount of time, but a big shift has happened for me and truly I always believe that everything happens for a reason.

I have moved home and, not only that, location. Somewhere I honestly never saw myself living, and this was due to circumstances out of my control. If those things had never happened I truly believe I would still be in the same position as I was back in January.

Now, I have had no choice but to step out of my comfort zone, rebuild parts of my life that I thought were settled in a routine and relearn parts of myself that I had lost touch with.

Change is often the uncertainty that creates the barrier between taking the leap and staying still.

I never would have taken the leap.

I am someone who struggles with change, and yet I crave it. When something feels monotonous or unaligned, I crave the change. When the change comes, I crave the knowing, the sentimental and I honestly find it difficult.

This year has pushed and pulled me in ways which I did not expect. I still feel a deep sadness about the changes alongside the excitement and anticipation of what is waiting for me next.

I think that’s the part we don’t always talk about.

You can be ready for a new chapter and still feel sad about the one that is ending. You can know something is right for you and still feel uncomfortable stepping into it. You can want more for yourself and still miss the version of life you’ve outgrown.

Truth is, we have to sit in the discomfort, we have to face the unknown and embrace it, then one day you can look back and know that it was worth it.

Sometimes change begins with the decision to stop ignoring yourself.